I can hear the boys aggravating their father in the bedroom. Daddy decided he was going to nap, so I sent our little ones in there with him for their nap as well. I’m sure he appreciates the incessant climbing, constant giggling, and general clowning around as they fight sleep. Hah!
I am usually doing this wonderfully heart filling, nerve-wracking, exhausting parenting job on my own, but daddy is off work today and gets to help me. Still, in all actuality, I have been a “single” mother since my ex husband abruptly left me in 2011, after a heated argument. I guess that means I am now a blessed special needs “divorced* mother. Meh.. now I don’t really mind, since it’s in the past and there’s nothing I can do to change it. Back then, I sincerely thought I was going to die from the pain of being ripped away from my babies.
I eventually accepted the ended marriage, but I’ve never accepted the loss of my legal mother’s rights. Apparently, the man I married was not who God had intended I spend my life beside. I had no clue who I was agreeing to spend the rest of my life married to, back then. I didn’t heed God’s warnings before the event and was therefore rightly humbled by the heartbreak of a marriage ending. Right now, the man I’m in love with has been taking care of me since the beginning of our relationship. Our unbelievable story is too long for in depth details right now.
Truth be told, for a long time, I actually practically stopped praying and basically blamed God for my problems and my heartbreaking, suffocating hurt. But honestly, It was I who had turned and walked down another path altogether. The path I chose was dangerous, risky, and much darker than I could imagine. Again, life inevitably ended up colliding on that thin line between Heaven and Hell. Once more- I felt like my soul was drowning, only this time, in a way that was even more devastatingly heartbreaking than the first.
I have family and friends who love me and pray for me, especially during my darkest times. The prayers of a believer are always answered. I ached to find the “peace that surpasses all understanding” once again in my life. I didn’t believe my prayers alone were strong enough, so I asked other believers to pray for and with me. Jesus needs us to understand that it doesn’t matter how far away we stray, he will welcome us back with arms wide open. I was afraid I’d strayed away too far that time. But, we are all going to turn our backs on God, blame him and walk in a different direction than the beautiful path he’s truly ordained for us. This is inevitably going to happen by everyone, because we are all sinners by nature. If you accept Christ, the Lord’s spirit will pray for us though, especially when we find it hard to utter even a single word.
2 Corinthians 12:9
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
No one can escape sin any more than they can escape heartbreak. What’s most important is that we don’t allow ourselves to remain trapped in that blackened pit of despair and loss of hope. Do not let the weight of your sins lie on your shoulders when your Savior has already cast them away.
“For all have sinned, and fallen short of the glory of God; ” Romans 3:23
There is a parable in the Bible that Jesus told his disciples, portraying God’s love for us in one of his many ways. There was a young man, probably someone we would label as a “black sheep”. He took his inheritance and squandered it after leaving home, not thinking about the future consequences of his actions. Eventually, this man was broken financially, spiritually & emotionally – and realized he had no choice but to go home. He intended on asking his father to be a slave to him, because in his mind, he was worth nothing after his actions. As he approached his father’s land, he was seen by his dad from far off. This father ran towards his son, longing for a hug, probably crying from the joy- and at last, he welcomed his child home with open arms.
A while later, the older brother came home and saw a party happening. It was started by his father for his lost brother; a man who had abandoned them. This was a celebration full of the finest foods and decorations. He began arguing with his father about joining the event, by admitting his anger and jealousy over never being treated as fabulously, especially since he’d never betrayed his father or their family. His father told his son that the party was a celebration for his lost brother, the son who had long been considered dead.
“For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ Luke 15:25
Jesus was sent here to die for one reason: to bridge the gap between all of his prodigal sons and daughters. When you look back on your life, you can likely remember a time when you witnessed a true miracle. When you can remember that blessing, then believe in the biggest miracle of all, the miracle that Jesus bled and died for us, his undeserving people, just because he loves us.
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
Jesus came, lived perfectly Innocently, commiting no sins, ever. Then, this man was publicly abused, humiliated and exsanguinated in front of his own people- murdered unjustifiably, breaking the hearts of his many friends and believers- to go defeat Hell and the grave- This is the biggest miracle in the history of time. If we believe in this truth and repent, God will open Heaven’s gated doors and welcome us home with arms wide open.
If we confess our sins and then turn from our evil, human ways- choosing to believe in the gift of eternal life, possible only by the life, death and ressurection of Christ- a party erupts in Heaven.
7] “I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance” Luke 15:7)
I have wandered away from Jesus. I have chosen to try and control my own life. I’ve chosen to waste non-refundable time and money in my life. I have chosen to worry all the time and damage my overall health with unhealthy habits. After my ex husband left, I shut everything and everyone out for a long time. When I finally wanted to be a better person, instead of harboring self pity; I realized that I was confused again- I questioned whether I could behave well enough to get back on God’s good side. Well, the answer to that is- there isn’t anything we can do personally that will get God to open the doors of his Heaven. Our choice to believe that Jesus saves us from sin and death is our only way into Heaven.
([6] Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. John 14:6
Jesus lived, so that now we don’t have to die – and ONLY because of his awe inspiring, perfect, unshakeable, irrevocable love for us, is our Heavenly Father waiting with open arms, forgiving us and granting us eternity as our gifts. It took a long time for me to either learn, or accept this truth- I’m unsure which, maybe both. We cannot do anything but learn to enjoy life and trust that God’s path is better than our own selfish choices.
I am the “black sheep* of my family. I’ve walked away and back, too many times to count. I don’t ever want to walk away again. I know I am one of his many prodigal daughters. For that, I am eternally grateful. Being a Christian doesn’t mean that life doesn’t hurt. Being a Christian means that when life hurts- Jesus says we needn’t ever close the door and run away. Still, find comfort in the knowledge that if and when we stray for a while, Jesus welcomes us back with a smile.
My oldest children were taken away from me due to my ignorant, sinful actions. They’ve never been in my legal custody since. I thought my pain was God shutting the door between us and walking away. The truth is, the intensity of my pain was exacerbated by shutting that door in Jesus’ face myself. Now, the pain is still here- but, God is holding my hands, wiping away my tears and reminding me that this painful life is only temporary.
I remind myself every day that if I wasn’t trusting in God completely, then I would forfeit eternity in bliss and every blessing given and those blessings that are yet to come. Oh and God does give us more than we originally lost. I now have my own, new home with two young children and my best friend, in a land far away from where I was living- into a land of safety, wonder and the beauty where I’d secretly longed to reside. I’m eternally, undeniably blessed. I could have never envisioned this beautiful life I’ve been granted. I am actually in love with a man who is in love with me. I have children who depend on me and we are working on making life incredible as a family. Waking up is beautiful.
Now, I find light in everything, when I once shuddered from looking straight into the darkness. Life is hard, but with Christ, it’s worthwhile. I’m living proof that Jesus exists. If you know me, then believe that My Lord and Savior exists. Besides, like my aunt said “I’d rather believe and be wrong, than not believe and it be right.”
Think about it
Breaking The Chains 